If you’ve ever heard the phrase,
“All persuasion is self-persuasion”
then you have just experienced for yourself one of the most important concepts when it comes to inspiring internally motivated action.
Why is internally motivated action important?
Well, it’s important if what you’re looking for is not just action on something new, but when you’re looking for change, sustained action in a new direction, a new change in thinking, or a new change in sustained behavior.
In order to do that though, there’s something else that’s required:
Internal motivation requires internal validation.
It’s why, I suspect, that former FBI hostage negotiator Chris Voss says that the most important, sweetest two words in the English language are
“That’s right.”
He distinguishes “that’s right” from “you’re right,” because “you’re right” can just be something where you’re like, “Yeah, yeah, yeah. You’re right. Stop talking.”
But “that’s right,” says Voss, is the indication that whatever has been said is correct in some way, not just for you, but for that person as well.
I think we can do one better.
In my book, Say What They Can’t Unhear (chapter nine!), I talk about how
“That’s true”
is an even better response, internal or external, to something that someone hears as part of a case for change.
Because that moment that someone says “that’s true,” they are validating for themselves that the reasons behind the change — intuitive, rational, whatever they might be — not only make sense, they believe in them.
So when you are putting those cases for change together, understand that everything that you say, and how you say it, is an opportunity for one of those “ding!” moments where someone says, “yes, that’s true.”
And that means, “it’s true that this change is right for me.”