So… We’re three weeks into the new year, how’s that decision to be or do something new or different working out so far?
If you’re in that familiar spot—motivated in theory, struggling in practice—you’re not alone. Nor are you “broken.” You’re just up against something very real: by doing what you’ve always done, the old you has built up some VERY strong muscles.
Fun fact: Back in my days moonlighting as a Weight Watchers leader, it was always the third week of January when we saw the most people join. My personal theory on that was that excitement gets people through the first week, determination and willpower through the second, and in the third week… they realize that something deeper about how they thought about their health goals and how to achieve them needed a bit more than they currently had in their toolbox.
And yes, that’s why I waited to do a “resolutions” post until… the third week of January!
Which brings me back to New Year’s resolutions. And specifically, the trend of choosing a “word of the year” (or three).
I love the intent behind the idea, but the science of how change sticks has some inconvenient things to say about how most of us use themes and words.
Why a single word feels good—and fails us
First, the upside of a single-word focus like “gratitude” or “growth” is that it’s cognitively easy. It’s simple, memorable, and feels guiding.
But as my friend and thinking leader, the incomparable and wise Denise Hamilton, recently posted on Facebook:
“If you want to be a new person, you better have a plan to defend against the old one.” When you’re stressed, busy, tired, or triggered, the years of muscle memory behind old behaviors are powerful. (Yes, I believe this applies to organizations, too.)
And that’s the downside hiding inside the simplicity of single words: it’s also a little too easy to make almost anything fit, to rationalize that “sure, this ‘counts’ as growth!
And if the old behavior can still “count”… the old you doesn’t have to change.
Why three (or more) words don’t solve the problem
Sometimes people choose three or more words. That makes sense on the surface, too. More words give you more coverage, more nuance, maye even more possibility.
But they come with some very predictable predictable problems:
- Multiple words give you even more options to rationalize the familiar (old) choice.
- They split your attention and effort. They represent a paradox of choice.
- They’re cognitively hard to use in the moment.
When you’re under pressure and fighting against the pull of old behavior, you don’t want to be mentally flipping through a list like: “Wait… what were my three words again? Is this aligned with word one? Or word two? Or word three?”
When cognition gets hard, we default to what’s practiced. Which, again, means we default to the old thing.
What actually works better: two words—but no “and” in between
Here’s the fix that’s both science-friendly and real-life usable:
You only need two words (to give you guardrails), but they have to work as one idea (to make it cognitively easy in the hard moments).
Not “this and that.” Not a list. A modified noun. I call this your Prime Strategy: the first filter you run decisions through when you’re choosing between the old way and the new way.
- One word sets the direction (where you’re aiming; what you’re trying to achieve, maintain, or improve overall).
- The other sets the standard (how you’ll know it counts; the specific-to-you).
The noun names what matters most.
The modifier keeps you honest about how it shows up.
Examples:
- Curated elevation (from my friend and author Neen James)
- Integritive involvement (mine)
- Scaled accountability (an organizational example, from my client Leadership Contract Inc)
Those phrases may not mean anything to you—and that’s fine. They’re not supposed to (they’re not messages!) What counts here is that the prime strategy means something to the person or organization using it…and why the modified noun approach works so well.
Why the Prime Strategy works better
First, it maintains cognitive ease by fusing two words into a single concept. You can actually remember and use it when it matters—mid-decision, mid-stress, mid-life.
Second, the pairing of two words creates guardrails against rationalization and towards specificity:
That pairing creates guardrails and turns a “theme” into a mental test. For example, for my prime strategy of “integritive involvement,” ANY choice needs to get through two questions:
- Am I truly getting INVOLVED, with people, ideas, movements that matter? Not just showing up. Not just engaging. Actually involving myself in a way that has impact?
- Is this involvement aligned with my INTEGRITY? Is it coherent with what I believe and want? Are my actions aligned with my words? Or am I choosing it because it’s convenient, familiar, or expected?
Only actions that get a “yes” to BOTH questions pass. That’s how to make sure you have a plan to defend against the old you.
How to create yours in five minutes
If you already picked one word of the year:
- Make sure it’s a noun.
- Add a modifier (an adjective, adverb, or verb)
If you picked three words or more:
- Choose the one word that matters most—the one that would make the biggest difference.
- Make sure it’s a noun.
- Turn on of the other words into a modifier.
- Make sure the new, single concept still can help you achieve what you were hoping your 3+ words would.
- Use one of the others as the modifier.
In either case, once you have your new prime strategy, pressure-test your modified noun with this question:
Can I use this phrase to justify acting like the old me?
Tighten your strategy until you can only answer “no,” until it gives you real guardrails.
Why this actually sticks
Change doesn’t fail because we don’t care enough. It fails because, in the moment of choice, we make it too easy to justify staying the same.
A Prime Strategy works because it aligns with how we already make decisions. It’s fast. It’s memorable. And it makes rationalization harder—without making thinking harder.
That’s the difference between an intention and an approach.
And if you want to be a new person—or lead people toward something new—you need an intentional approach (see what I did there!?).
If you’re struggling, get a tune-up
If your resolution, theme, or strategy is already starting to wobble, that doesn’t mean it was a bad idea. It may just mean it wasn’t operational enough to survive in the real world.
If you want help tightening it into something you can actually use, pop into Message Design Office Hours. They’re free, and I’m happy to help you workshop a prime strategy that holds up under pressure.