All change involves choice. Sometimes, that choice is between two things someone deeply believes or values. That kind of choice creates a specific form of mental pain: cognitive dissonance. Cognitive dissonance is the discomfort someone feels when conflicting beliefs or desires challenge their current understanding of the world—when the Ding! of truth makes their previous […]
When two truths fight, only one wins Read More »
Having trouble making a change stick? It might be because your E.T.O. is off. E.T.O. stands for Effort-to-Outcome Ratio, something I discuss in detail in my upcoming book, Say What They Can’t Unhear. Essentially, it’s the balance between the effort you’re putting in and the results you’re seeing. When change doesn’t stick—whether with yourself, your
Is your E.T.O. off? Read More »
Think about pain for a minute. How did you learn not to touch a hot stove? By touching it, right? And did you keep touching it? No! Because it hurt. If doing something feels like a constant struggle or an assault on your sense of self—if it’s painful—it’s only a matter of time before you
Pain is the enemy of long-term change Read More »
One of the biggest challenges to change is something called cognitive inertia. It’s just like physical inertia—where a body at rest stays at rest. In the case of cognitive inertia, though, it’s our ideas, the stories we tell ourselves, our beliefs that stay at rest. If you’re trying to create change, and it’s one of
Why Challenging Beliefs Isn’t the Answer—Try This Instead Read More »
Picture a community meeting in a town where the local government has proposed a significant change in the school district’s funding. The auditorium is packed with concerned parents, educators, and students, all charged with emotion about the decision’s potential impacts. Unfortunately, it doesn’t take long before the meeting devolves into a heated political battle. One
The deepest beliefs are the hardest to shift Read More »
Have you ever looked at what someone was doing or thinking and thought to yourself, “How could they be so stupid?” or “They must be incompetent”? Maybe you’ve even said, “I don’t understand why….[fill in the blank!]” There’s a good reason for this reaction, but unfortunately, it can be deadly to any kind of change
Transform Your Approach with the Smart, Capable, Good Test Read More »
A client who worked at a Fortune 500 company reached out to me with an intriguing dilemma. A few years before she and I met, the company had embraced a well-known sales methodology and had seen remarkable success using it to acquire new clients. But there was a catch: the same approach didn’t work as
Identity is the greatest influencer Read More »
There’s a lot of talk these days about storytelling being, well, the answer to pretty much everything when it comes to building messages that build buy-in. And that’s true. Stories are critically important. I’ve said it before, every decision has a story behind it. Every action we take ends an internal argument in our head
From Understanding to Agreement Read More »
Think for a moment about how you see the world. Would you be more likely to describe it as a beautiful place with treasure around every corner? Or as an ugly and boring place where exploration is unlikely to result in much of anything? These aren’t random worldviews. They’re examples drawn from the 26 deep-seated
Principles Set Patterns Read More »
